Regaining A Sense of Adventure

Cancer destroyed my sense of adventure. After treatment I would get take your breath away, cry your eyes out abdominal pain. During these unpredictable episodes, I’d end up hospitalized and hooked up to an IV morphine drip. Always fearing the next attack, I’d ensure to remain within a twenty-minute radius of a hospital. I also…

When will I feel normal again?

This past weekend I attended the first birthday party of an adorable little girl. Between singing happy birthday and cheering on a messy cake smash I caught up with Julie*, an old friend I was hoping to see on this festive day. As usual, she radiated casual elegance in a blush silk blouse and tailored…

A Stretch Marked Heart

I’ve always found other people’s scars interesting but even more so now. Scars are a visible clue into someone’s  riveting backstory. I’m not the only one who is intrigued by these markings, Brene Brown has said, “I found the work of people whose hearts are stretch marked and scarred to be far more profound than…

Chemo Brain

What does it feel like? Imagine your brain is steeped in fog, everything seems fuzzy and nothing is clear, at least that’s how it felt for me. 

Ghosted

I’ve heard stories of being ghosted and knew of people who had gone through it; a friend’s boyfriend suddenly disappeared, a family friend just ceased to exist. I assumed there was an underlying reason for these strange stories. Perhaps my friend was in a secretly toxic relationship and maybe there was a fight that led…

Teva, Small Talk, and Cancer…

There is nothing like dropping the CANCER bomb to end all small talk. Telling people you have cancer is like plowing through a conversation with a Mack truck. All parties end up shocked, upset, and looking like they’ve just been run over.

Get Gritty!

Does healing have you feeling like a hamster on a wheel? Trying really hard but never really getting anywhere? Well, don’t quit just yet, even though your efforts might feel hopelessly futile, you are getting somewhere. I just finished the book Grit by Angela Duckworth, a worthwhile read for anyone looking to amp up their…

The post-treatment let down

The emotional transition from patient to person was lonely. I tried to reconnect with friends who I’d lost touch with but that too felt isolating. I found myself having a hard time relating to friends or strangers who weren’t part of my cancer story. I couldn’t connect with people who didn’t understand what it’s like to discuss treatment options, to hear survival statistics, or to have a roster of doctors on call.

Dealing with post-treatment anxiety

During a visit shortly after my treatment ended, my psychologist kindly pointed out that I was experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder and that this was totally normal after a traumatic diagnosis like cancer.